


The Way I Loved You

by MonsterChild



Category: The Breakfast Club (1985)
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 01:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonsterChild/pseuds/MonsterChild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What had happened that took them so far from their dreams? From the days when she would whisper "I love you" and know he felt it, too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way I Loved You

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my most recent works. I have a weird habit of combining things that don't belong together, like The Breakfast Club and Taylor Swift for example. I would suggest listening to the song, but you don't have to.

Claire sat on the curb outside of the house that Allison and Andy rented, letting the music from inside flow over her. The birthday celebration was starting to feel a little confining and she needed air. She couldn't believe that Allison was 21 already, everyone expect Brian and herself were at this point, and it floored her that after five years, everything felt so different than it once had. Allison and Andy were living together in Shermer, commuting into the city for school. Claire was interning for a multimillion dollar corporation in Chicago, and Brian was going to be starting medical school soon. And Bender worked at a garage in Shermer, just... working.

She wondered how they had gotten so far from their dreams together. Back in the days when they would lay on the carpet of his studio apartment and imagine the day when they would leave Shermer and Chicago and go someplace far away and live the lives that they always wanted. Back in the days when she would whisper "I love you" in his ear to wake him up, and while he never said it back to her, she could feel it in every move that he made. She wondered what happened between then and now, and she couldn't figure out what changed. Sure, they fought, they screamed, they yelled, but in the end, they were always able to fix things. What was it that drove the final nail into the coffin?

Being here with Bender in the same room didn't bother her. It definitely wasn't the first group function that they both attended, and despite everything, they were still friends. They could still be around each other, talking, laughing, being friendly. After two years of being broken up, they had grown used to dealing with each other in a friendly capacity, and Claire could tell that the rest of their friends appreciated that they weren't always at each other's throats.

But this time was different. Even after all of this time apart, neither had had a serious enough relationship that meant they would bring a date to their group things. There was casual dating on both sides, but nobody had made it past that. Until tonight.

Maybe it was a mistake for Claire to bring Leo with her. She knew that the birthday girl wouldn't mind because dates had always been welcome, although Brian was the only one to take advantage of that. But when she asked Leo to come with her to the party, she hadn't been thinking of Bender and how he would react to her bringing a date. Because their friendship had never involved dealing with the other one's love life.

When she arrived at the party, Leo in tow, it all started out fine. Brian, who'd met Leo briefly once before, greeted him nicely and asked him a few questions about medical school. Claire always figured that Brian would get along with him because Leo was a third-year med student and would be able to tell Brian all about it. Andy and Allison were both thrilled to finally meet him, and he was charming as he interacted with them. He held doors open for Claire, offered to get her drinks, the works. He really handled everything and everyone amazingly.

Claire noticed Bender right away when he finally showed up. He found Allison and Andy first, high-fiving Sporto and hugging the birthday girl. Brian came up to him after that, jabbering on in an excited way that made Bender shove him playfully to get him to shut up. It was then that he spotted Claire. From across the room, he greeted her with a smile, which she returned. But when Leo returned with drinks for the both of them and gave her a light peck on the lips, his smile fell. His expressions changed so fast that she barely caught the shock and disappointment on his face before he went back into his usual smirk. The thought that bringing Leo had been a mistake jumped into her head at that moment. She couldn't believe that she hadn't even considered how it might feel to Bender to see her with another guy. They'd been broken up for two years and they were friends, but that didn't mean that seeing her with someone else wouldn't bother him. She should've known because she knew that if he brought a girl, she would've felt the same way.

Still, after a few minutes of recovery, Bender finally found his way over to her and Leo. "Hey," he said, giving her a hug.

"Hey," she replied, returning it. It lasted for just a moment too long, but nobody around them, including Leo, seemed to notice. "Um, Bender," she added, gesturing to Leo, "this is Leo, my boyfriend. Leo, this is John Bender, a friend from high school."

Leo held out his hand to Bender in a friendly gesture. "How do you do, John?"

Bender shook his hand briefly and shrugged. "Eh, not too shabby."

"And call him Bender," Claire instructed, resting a hand on Leo's arm. "Nobody calls him by his first name." She had to stop herself from adding, anymore. The whole time they had been dating, she called him John. She loved the way his name sounded on her lips and he thought the way she said his name was sexy so it was something only she did. Everyone else called him Bender or whatever nickname Andy came up with that week.

"So, Bender," Leo said in his always friendly demeanor, "what is it that you do?"

Bender went on to explain about his work at the garage. "Oh, I know that place," Leo chimed in. "You guys have excellent service there."

"Thanks," Bender replied. "I've been talking with the owner, and if I can talk him down in price a little, I'll probably be buying the place in a few months."

Claire smiled up at him. "I didn't know that! Congratulations!"

Again, he shrugged. "Yeah, well, it's not a done deal so don't go congratulating me yet."

"But I'm sure it'll go through," she insisted. "You've worked really hard for this."

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Well, I'm gonna go get a drink. I'll see you guys around." He looked to Leo and added with a smirk, "Good luck with this one, man. She can be a bit of a handful."

Claire glared and smacked him playfully before he wandered off. They didn't see much of each other for the rest of the night and about an hour later, Leo had to head home. She kissed him goodbye, and after a few minutes, stepped outside for fresh air.

Now, she sat on the curb, just letting her mind wander.

"Want some company?" a familiar voice asked.

She looked over her shoulder, finding Bender standing behind her, a cigarette tucked between two fingers and the rest gripping the neck of a beer bottle. "Sure," she replied.

He sat down next to her with a sigh, taking a swig of beer. "Thought you left already."

She shook her head. "No, just needed some air. It's a little stifling in there."

"Yeah, I get you." He took a drag off his cigarette and breathed out the smoke. "Where's Captain Cool?"

She looked at him, amused. "Captain Cool?"

"Yeah. What do you call him?" He was messing with her. She could tell by his smirk.

"I call him Leo," she replied. "And to answer your question, he went home. He has an early class tomorrow morning, and he needed to study for a test."

"Who the hell in their right mind takes a class on a Saturday?" he demanded incredulously.

Chuckling, she looked up at him with a smile. "That's kind of what I said, too."

"I've had enough school on Saturdays to last a lifetime," he said as he took a drag and exhaled.

Automatically, her mind went to that one Saturday, the one day in detention that changed the course of their lives. "I don't know," she replied. "I kind of liked it."

The comment made him smile and he pointed the two fingers holding his cigarette at her. "You didn't have to go back for the next eight weeks."

"Ten," she corrected. "You came out with two more after the second detention."

Nodding, he took another swig of his beer. "Right. Well, if we're counting those, make it fifteen. I pissed him off in detention number five, too."

"Sixteen," she added. "You made fun of his suits again during school one day."

"I still owe him six of those," he replied thoughtfully.

She put a hand up to her mouth to stop from laughing. "That's right! There weren't even sixteen weeks left of school!"

"Yeah, there wasn't much Dick could do about it..."

Claire sighed and glanced back at the party. "Hey, when were you planning on leaving?" she asked him.

He shrugged. "Eh, whenever. Why?"

"Well, Leo was my ride and I told him I'd get a ride home from somebody," she explained.

Stomping out the smoldering cigarette butt, he went, "Yeah, let's get outta here. I'll give you a lift."

They disappeared back into the house, finding their friends and saying their goodbyes. As Claire said goodbye to Brian, she could see Andy saying something serious to Bender, who was trying to brush him off without listening.

"What was Andy saying to you?" she asked him as they climbed into his car.

"Nothing," he deflected, starting the car. "You know Sporto."

She knew that there was something that he wasn't telling her, but she let it slide. Over the years she'd learned to let him be and he'd eventually tell her. "So what do you think of him?" she asked once they had pulled away from the house.

"Who? Sporto?" Bender replied. "He's a little intense, but he's not bad to get high with."

She laughed. He always avoided hard questions. "No. Leo. What do you think of him?"

His fingers tapped pensively on the steering wheel, she knew that as a sign of him wishing he had a cigarette. "Captain Cool? Um... Jesus, I don't know, Claire. What the hell does it matter?"

It mattered a lot to Claire. Not just because this was Bender and she wanted to make sure he was okay with this, but because if anybody could justify her doubts about Leo, it would be him. "Well, because you're... You're my best friend. Nobody knows me like you do. And you're the only person who'll give a brutally honest opinion."

He groaned, the tapping of his fingers breaking out into full hand drumming. "Ugh, alright. You make it impossible to say no when you beg like that." The car rolled to a stop at a red light. "Okay, so what do I think of Captain Cool? I don't know. I didn't get to spend too much time with him, but it seems like he really likes you. He stayed by your side all night until he left and he got along well with Sporto and the rest of them. He seems like a nice guy. I don't know what you want me to say..."

None of what he said had been what she wanted to hear. And it wasn't that she was hoping that Bender would hate him, but she was hoping that maybe... maybe he would be able to point out some flaw. "Oh," she replied shortly as the car started moving again.

He glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow. "'Oh?' What do you mean 'oh'?"

"Nothing," she sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Just forget about it."

"It's not nothing, Cherry," he insisted. "Look, if I know you so damn well then I have to trust my gut when it says that something's bothering you. So what's going on?"

She chewed on her bottom lip as she gazed out the window. "It's really stupid," she admitted.

"Princess, I'm the king of stupid. Let's hear it."

After fighting with herself for a few more seconds, she looked back at him and asked, "Do you think that he's too perfect?"

The car filled with Bender's howl of laughter, and she scowled at him. "I'm serious!" she demanded.

He took sharp breaths, trying to stifle his laughter. "Okay, okay," he said finally. "That is stupid."

She pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. "Oh, forget it."

"Oh, come on," he said, patting her leg comfortingly. "Talk to me. He's Mr. Too Perfect. Explain."

Leaning back in her seat, she ran her hands through her hair and grabbed a handful of it. "Okay, well, he's just too damn perfect. I mean, he holds doors open for me, he tells me I'm beautiful every time I see him, and he's sweet and charming."

"Yes, I see that he's totally dysfunctional," Bender replied sarcastically.

She resisted the urge to shoot him a dirty look. "And he's all about my independence. If I tell him I'm busy and can't go out, he actually respects that and doesn't even pry into what I'm doing. He's always punctual when he takes me out, and if says he's gonna call me, he actually does." A thought popped into her head. "Oh, and he gets along with my parents."

"Obviously that's a red flag right there," he joked.

Claire sighed, resting her chin in her palm. "I just don't get it…"

"You see, it's funny because nobody in their right mind would get along with your parents."

A smile popped up on her face, but she pursed her lips to hide it. "I mean, that I just don't get why…" It was so ludicrous that she couldn't even finish her sentence.

"Why what?" he pressed as they stopped at another red light.

Claire raised her eyes up to meet his and said seriously, "I don't get why I don't feel anything for him."

Silence. The light turned green and Bender started driving again, but Claire could see the wheels turning inside his head and a floored expression on his face. Each one was waiting for the other to say something, but it seemed that neither had the brain functionality at the moment.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"Ugh, how do I explain this?" she muttered, glancing back out the window. "He's fine. He's comfortable. He doesn't make me unhappy. He just… doesn't make me happy either."

Bender looked at her sideways through his forelock. "So how exactly has he managed to stick around long enough to meet the friends?"

"For your information," she said pointedly, "'long enough' has only been four months. And to answer your question... Well…" She faltered, looking down at her lap for answers. "Everyone loves him. All my girlfriends are constantly telling me how great he is, and even my parents are saying what a catch he is."

"They would think that about anybody after your two years with me," he interjected.

She sent another glare in his direction before continuing, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with this relationship. Nothing. There is no reason for me to feel like this. At all. But the thing is… he doesn't make me feel anything."

"Okay, Crazy Lady?" he said, with a glance in her direction. "You've seriously lost me now."

"There's no passion!" she bursts out suddenly, grateful for finding the right words for all of this. "I don't love him and I don't hate him! I'm not happy with him or angry with him or upset with him! It's all neutral and no fire to any of it!" She groaned. "I mean, sure, when we were together, half the time I hated you, but I felt that hatred! Sure, we would scream and fight all the time before making up with amazing sex, but all of that was because of how much we felt for each other! Like whenever we were fighting, I could feel it all the way down to my bones and even when we were happy, just lying on the couch with each other, I could feel it with that intensity! I mean, you and I loved each other so goddamn much that I felt things that I never imagined being able to feel!" She dropped her head into her hands. "And I miss feeling that way…" she mumbled into her hands.

The car slowed to a stop in the driveway of her townhouse, and Bender cut the engine. He undid his seatbelt, slid his seat back, and propped his feet up on the steering wheel. Letting his head fall back, he stared at the ceiling. There was nothing that he could say to that. Part of him thought, maybe even hoped a little bit, that she'd meant this as a… that maybe she wanted to get back together. But he had to make himself believe that that was not what she was saying.

"We were…" she started, swallowing hard. "We were never going to work out."

Scrubbing his hands over his face, he asked, "You wanna know what Sporto said to me when we left?"

She nodded because she didn't think she could manage any words.

"He said, 'she's finally happy, don't screw it up for her.' I told him that he was out of his fucking mind if he thought I would try to ruin anything for you," he said, still staring at the ceiling. "Your happiness is all that they want for you, and I think that's why they want you to be with Captain Cool. They're pretty fucking sure that this is the happiest you've been since before you met me."

Tears were stinging her eyes. She should've known that talking about how she felt in her current relationship would bring up what happened with her and Bender, but she hadn't expected it. She hadn't anticipated discussing what went wrong with the relationship with him. "But I'm not happy."

Bender kept his eyes glued to the ceiling of his car. He couldn't look at her. If he did, he'd want to tell her that he could make her happy. But they both knew that wasn't true. "You're not unhappy, either. You said so yourself. And I think your friends would rather you be neutral than what you were before." His memories were reeling, and it kept replaying one in particular. "Running out of my apartment at two in the morning in the middle of a torrential downpour because you were so damn mad at me."

She smiled, a tear running down her cheek. "And you came running after me in bare feet to drag me back inside."

"You were gonna freeze to death," he recalled. "You were only in shorts and a tank top."

A sad chuckle escaped her throat as she added, "Of course, you had brought out my favorite blanket to start warming me up right away and that just made me madder because you were getting it soaked."

"I had to carry you back inside because you refused to come with me," he said, and he really wished that he hadn't brought it up. It wasn't right to remember it as they were, as some funny incident, because it wasn't funny at the time. Not at all. They were both screaming so loudly once they got back inside that one of his neighbors called in a domestic disturbance and the cops were banging on his apartment door within ten minutes. Of course, when they asked Claire if he hit her, his response of, "I've never laid one goddamn finger on her!" didn't go over too well. If she hadn't hushed him and told the officers repeatedly that he had never hit her and would never hit her, they would've probably hauled him off. However, the cops showing up had diffused the fight, and then there was screaming of a different kind.

"Our happy times and sad times kind of meld together, don't they?" she asked, wiping at her eyes.

"Yeah," he replied quietly. "Until there weren't any happy times left."

A hurt look sprung up on her face, but she stifled it. She knew the comment wasn't meant to hurt her, it was the truth. And it wasn't because he wasn't happy with her, they hadn't been happy with each other in the end. As individuals, they weren't at fault; it was the fault of them as a couple. "I just don't think that after all that we went through, all the emotions I had then... I don't think I can handle being in a relationship so..."

"I get you," Bender said, finally looking at her.

She smiled softly at him. "Thanks." She leaned toward him and hugged him tightly.

He returned the embrace, holding her as close to him as he could for as long as he could. When they finally parted, they looked at each other for a long beat before both leaning in again, this time lips meeting in the middle. His hand tangled into her red locks and both of hers held onto the back of his neck as though she would drown if she didn't. The kiss was timid, slow, and sweet, not like how it used to be. This time, they were savoring the feel of it, because they both knew that it would change nothing but mean everything.

They pulled away from each other reluctantly, resting their foreheads together. "You should probably get inside."

"Yeah," she replied, "probably should." But she didn't move.

"See you next month?" he asked with a smirk.

For the life of her, Claire couldn't figure out what he meant. "For what?"

His shit-eating grin got bigger. "Your birthday, remember?"

She scrunched up her nose. She forgot her own birthday. Kissing John Bender could do that to a girl. "Oh, right. Who's in charge of mine?"

He just kept grinning at her.

"Oh, shit," she groaned. "You?"

He shrugged. "Like you said, I know you better than anybody."

"So bar-hopping all night?" she asked.

"Not all night," he replied. "We gotta include Brian in on some of the fun."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, see you then." As she climbed out of the car, she looked back at him. "Bye… John."

In one of his brief moments of sincerity, he gave her a genuine smile. "Later, Claire."

Bender watched as she disappeared into her house, his fingers spinning the diamond stud that still adorned his left ear. After the door closed behind her, he backed out of the driveway and headed off toward his own place.

She missed him, even though she never said it out loud, and he missed her. It made it that much harder that they weren't good for each other. No matter what they felt now, they knew what would happen if they tried again. It was the same road at just a different time, but at the end of this one, they probably wouldn't even reach the end as friends.


End file.
